Visitation Day

This is Cat a year ago. I don't have a recent picture of her.

    As the title says, today was the day for relatives of the children here at Casa Bernabe to come visit. Like most things here I didn't know what to expect. I started out my Sunday morning as usual. I arrived at the baby house at 7:30 to pick kids up out of their cribs. I pick all 13 kids out of their cribs and welcome them to a new day. "Good morning _________. It's time for your bath. Let's go." I undress them and, today I handed them over to a teenage girl helping out at the house on the weekends. She gives them a bath and then she hands them over to a staff member to be dressed. Then they are put in a high chair and fed by another teenage girl. I love the teenagers here. They are live at CB for various reasons and they are truly wonderful.
    After the kids eat they are cleaned up and sent outside to play. Today when it was time to go to church, we had some members from a visiting church group from the States playing with the kids. The staff member in charge at the baby house decided to let the members from the American team take the kids that had visiting family members up for church.  The kids that have visitors meet their, grandparents, mother, or dads at church and they can visit until 3:00 in the afternoon. The rest of the kids would stay at the house with the staff member, teenagers, and me.
    The Americans each had a child's hand in theirs or a child on their hip ready to head up the hill to church. If you come visit CB, you will have a clear understanding of "the hill." The hike makes you grasp for air by the time you reach the top. The point of me telling you that is that I want you to understand that we really have to help these kids get to the top. We carry them or hold their hand all the way up. It is a slow journey but great exercise for everyone involved.
    One girl, Cat wouldn't go with the American team. She started to cry and said no when one lady tried to hold her hand. She continued this same behaviour with another lady. Then she looked at me with her pleading eyes and asked for my hand. Of course, that made me feel like a hundred bucks. Oh, by the way she calls me Barbie. "Barbie, mano (hand)."
    I politely asked the staff member in charge if I could walk her up and screaming with hope on the inside.  I was given the ok to walk her up so, off we went. When we arrived at church, Cat's grandmother wasn't insight. I was sad for her but selfishly happy that I would get to be with her during the service. We found a place in the back of the church to sit. She was sitting on my lap and her older sister (3 years old) sat beside us.
    Her grandmother arrived after a few worship songs. I had Cat on my hip and walked to the front of the church to hand her over. As I handed her over, I wanted to burst out into tears. As I turned around to walk back to my seat in the back of the church, I tried to figure out why handing her over made me so upset. What a weird reaction to handing over a child to their grandmother.
    One thought is that it was a realization that Cat has relatives but yet she is living at an orphanage. This is a common story for several of these kids. That is why CB has a visitation day once a month. I don't know Cat's story but in other cases the relative feels CB will provide for their child better then they could.
    My other thought is that the physical act of handing over a child gives you an overwhelming feeling that it is the end of your relationship with a child. Today that wasn't my reality. At the end of the day, Cat was back in the baby house holding my hand, kicking a ball around the backyard, and telling me she needed to go poop in the potty. :)  Ha! That is my reality. Welcome to it!  Seriously, this morning was a reminder that sometimes these kids leave and go home with their relatives.
    Someday a child will go to their yearly court hearing and they won't come back to CB. They will be allowed to go home with their family. Some of these kids will be adopted. After my reaction today of handing a child over for a three hour time span, it is going to be difficult to say goodbye to one of these kids. I don't look forward to those type days.

A year ago, I had no idea she would become my little buddy.